(Matthew is very big on showing how Jesus fulfilled the Messianic prophecies. He frequently has Jesus, another character, or the narrator, explain which prophecy has just been fulfilled. I find this approach amusingly heavy-handed.)
1) Matthew opens by tracing the genealogy of Jesus from Abraham to David to Joseph to Jesus. (This demonstrates that Jesus was a descendent of King David, which is one of the important criteria for being the Messiah. Mark did not really deal with this.)
When Mary and Joseph were engaged, Mary became pregnant from the Holy Spirit. Joseph, not wanting to cause a fuss and shame her, decided to divorce her quietly. An angel appeared to Joseph in a dream and told him that the son was conceived by the Holy Spirit; the boy should be called Jesus and Joseph should raise him as his own. Joseph did as the Holy Spirit commanded, and he did not have sex with Mary until after Jesus was born.
(Jews had a lot of problems with this infancy narrative. The genealogy is ruined by Jesus being conceived by the Holy Spirit; therefore, he is not Joseph's son; therefore, he is not a descendent of David; therefore, he is not the Messiah. The author of Matthew was working from the early Greek translation of Isaiah, in the which the Hebrew for 'young woman' was mistranslated into the Greek for 'virgin'. He did the best he could with what he had.)
2) Wise men from the East came to Jerusalem, saying that they'd heard the king of the Jews had been born and that they wanted to worship him. They were following a star. King Herod heard about this and became worried; he asked his scribes to find out where the child should be. The scribes look through the scripture and find the prophecy that the Messiah is to be born in Bethlehem. Herod told the wise men to go to Bethlehem and to let him know where Jesus was. They found Jesus, worshipped him, and gave him gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. Then they had a bad dream about Herod and decided not to tell him about Jesus.
(The wise men from the East are Magi, Zoroastrian priests. The Greek 'Magoi' has been translated into 'Wise Men'. Zoroastrianism was the state religion of Babylon in the later years of the Jews' Babylonian exile. The Jews borrowed the idea of a Messiah from Zoroastrianism. Here, the author of Matthew is aware of the weird similarities between the Zoroastrian and Jewish Messianic expectations and is demonstrating that the Jewish Messiah, Jesus, is also the Zoroastrian Messiah.)
After the wise men left, an angel appeared to Joseph and told him to flee to Egypt because Herod was going to hunt Jesus down. Joseph & Co. remained in Egypt until King Herod died.
Herod sent soldiers to Bethlehem to kill all the male children who were two years old or younger.
(It is worth pointing out here that the early Christians did not consider the infancy narratives to be accurate records of historical events; the early details of Jesus' life had been lost to time. The point of the infancy narratives was to show that Jesus fulfilled the Messianic prophecies. The reasoning is perhaps best explained as: "Jesus of Nazareth is the Messiah, therefore he fulfils the prophecies. We do not know the exact details of how, when or where, but he is the Messiah, therefore he fulfils the prophecies. It might have been something like this; the exact details don't matter, because the world is going to end any day now." Herod did not actually slaughter lots of children.)
After Herod died, an angel appeared to Joseph and told him to return to Israel but he did not want to return to his home town of Bethlehem. He went to Nazareth instead.
3) John the Baptist was baptising people. John foresaw the coming of someone greater than him, who will baptise not with water, but with the Holy Spirit.
Jesus came from Nazareth and wanted to be baptised by John in the Jordan River. John stopped him and said that Jesus should be baptising him; Jesus insisted that he be baptised. John baptised him in the river; when he came out of the water he saw the heavens being torn open and the Holy Spirit descending on him. Then God spoke to him: "You are my beloved Son; with you I am well pleased.”
(This is an expansion of Mark's attempt to reduce John to a precursor to Jesus. The early Christians had a tough time convincing the followers of John the Baptist that Jesus, not John, was the actual Messiah. John's followers argued that Jesus began as one of John's followers, and only started thinking that he himself was the Messiah after John was arrested. They were unwilling to switch one dead messiah for another.)
4) The Spirit led Jesus into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. He fasted 40 days and 40 nights. Satan asked him to turn some stones into bread. Jesus refused. Satan took him to the top of Jerusalem's temple and asked him to throw himself off, because angels would save him. Jesus refused. Satan took him to a high mountain, showing Jesus all the kingdom's of the world, and said he would give him all the kingdoms if Jesus worshipped him. Jesus refused; Satan went away; angels came to minister Jesus.
John the Baptist was arrested. Jesus came out of the wilderness and met Simon & Andrew, fishermen brothers, on the coast of the Sea of Galilee. He told them to come with him; they did. Later, he met James & John, brothers, and called them to him; they abandoned their father and followed him.
Crowds gathered around Jesus. His fame spread. He healed sick people, epileptics, paralytics, and cast out demons.
5) Jesus went up a mountain, and delivered the sermon on the mount, which I abridge:
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.
(Remember: in Jewish religious language, a 'son of God' is particularly holy person, not a deity-human hybrid or God in human form.)
Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven.
You are the light of the world. let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.
Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. For truly, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass from the Law until all is accomplished. Therefore whoever relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever does them and teaches them will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."
(Hey, remember that Paul chap who wrote loads of letters explaining that Jesus came to put an end to the necessity of following the Law?)
Don't get angry with people; chill out. If you are married and look at someone lustfully, this is the same as adultery. "If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell."
Divorce is bad, but it's fine if the wife was a slut.
(In Mark, Jesus forbids divorce altogether. The author of Matthew disagreed with his - maybe he had divorced his slutty wife - so decided to change Jesus' opinion.)
"Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect."
6) “Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others.
If you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.
No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money."
"Do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin. Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."
(Remember: the early Christians thought that the world was going to end any day now, so New Testament ethics only has short-term survival in mind.)
7) “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.
Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.
So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them."
“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’"
(Hey, remember that Paul chap who wrote loads of letters explaining that Jesus came to put and end to the necessity of following the law and it was now only faith in Jesus that mattered?)
And when he finished, the crowds were astonished.
8) Jesus healed lots of people. Big crowd. Someone told Jesus that they wanted to come with him, but first they had to bury their dead father. Jesus had no time for that shit: “Follow me, and leave the dead to bury their own dead.”
Later that day, Jesus & Co. cross the Sea of Galilee. A great storm arose while Jesus was asleep. His disciples were scared; they woke him, worried that they might die. Jesus told the wind to chill out; the storm calmed down. They were amazed.
On the other side, Jesus met two men possessed by demons. There was a herd of pigs nearby, so Jesus commanded the spirits to enter the pigs, who immediately rushed down the steep bank into the sea and drowned. The pig-herders freaked out.
(In Mark, the demon's name is Legion, and it only possesses one man.)
9) Jesus went back to his home town. People brought a paralytic man to Jesus, who told the paralytic that his sins are forgiven. Some people questioned whether Jesus has the authority to forgive sins; Jesus declared that the Son of Man has authority to forgive sins on earth. The paralytic got up and walked home; the people were amazed.
When Jesus was at his house hanging around with tax collectors and sinners, a Pharisee asked why he was hanging out with such people. Jesus said, "“Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.”
Then someone told Jesus that the local rabbi's daughter had died. On the way to the rabbi's house, a woman who had been discharging blood for twelve years touched Jesus' robe and was healed. Then he went into the rabbi's house and declared that the girl was only sleeping. She got up and started walking. Everyone was amazed. Jesus went on to heal more people.
10) Jesus appointed his twelve apostles and gave them authority to preach and cast out demons in his name. They were: Simon/Peter, James, John, James, Andrew, Philip, Bartholomew, Matthew, Thomas, James, Simon the Zealot, and Judas Iscariot. He instructed them to go out and preach in his name, but only to the lost sheep of Israel, not to Gentiles.
(Hey, remember that Paul chap who wrote loads of letters saying that Jesus marked the end of God's favouritism of the Jews?)
Jesus went on to warn his followers that they will be persecuted, but not to be afraid of humans.
"Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell. So everyone who acknowledges me before men, I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven, but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven.
Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person's enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."
11) John the Baptist, in prison, sent messengers to Jesus asking if he was the Messiah. Jesus told them to report what they had seen. After they left, Jesus turned to his disciples and listed cities whose inhabitants would totes be going to hell because they hadn't believed in him.
12) One Sabbath day, Jesus' disciples were plucking heads of grain. The Pharisees asked why they were doing work on the Sabbath. Jesus answered that the Sabbath was made for man, so the Son of Man is lord of the Sabbath.
Jesus went to the Synagogue and healed a man with a withered hand.
Someone accuses Jesus of being possessed by Beelzebub; the demons obey his commands because he is their leader. Jesus responded by asking if he was casting out demons through Beelzebub, how did other holy men cast out demons? What gave them more authority than him? He then declared that blasphemy against the Holy Spirit is the One Unforgivable Sin. Everything else will be forgiven, but not this.
Then Jesus' mother and brothers appeared, and told him to come home (for dinner, I like to imagine). Jesus declared that they weren't his real family, his followers were.
13) A large crowd. Jesus told them the Parable of the Sower. Later that day, his apostles asked him what he was going on about. Jesus told them he was speaking in parables so that outsiders wouldn't understand the secrets of the Kingdom of God. He then explained the Parable of the Sower.
Jesus told them the Parable of the Weeds:
Man sowed good wheat seeds in his field. But while the man slept, his enemy came and sowed weeds. All the seeds grew up. At harvest time, the weeds were gathered and burned, while the man took the wheat into his barn.
Jesus explained that the sower is the Son Of Man, the field is the world, the good seeds are believers, the enemy is Satan, the weeds are unbelievers, and the harvest is the End Of Time, when the believers go to heaven, and the unbelievers burn.
Jesus told lots of parables, which are quite repetitive. I have only included a small selection in this summary.
Jesus returned to his hometown. On the Sabbath he taught in the synagogue. Many people were amazed. They wondered where he had got his authority from, when he was the son of a carpenter and the rest of his family were amongst the synagogue's congregation.
14) Meanwhile, King Herod heard about Jesus, and worried that he might be John the Baptist raised from the dead. Herod had killed John because his niece/daughter-in-law (Herod had married his brother's wife) had asked him to.
Another big crowd around Jesus. When it grew late, the apostles asked Jesus to send the crowd away; instead, Jesus decided to feed them using five loaves of bread and two fish. Jesus said a blessing and broke up the food. All ate and were satisfied, five thousand men.
Then Jesus dismissed the crowd and told his disciples to get into the boat and cross to the other side. Jesus had a rest for a bit, then decided to join his disciples on the boat, which was now very far out and being beaten by waves because it was very windy. He walked up to it, on the water, and scared the disciples. Peter wanted to join Jesus on the water; Jesus told him to get out of the boat. Peter also walked on the water; but he became scared, his faith wavered, and he began to sink. Jesus caught him, and rebuked him for his unbelief. When Jesus got into the boat, the wind stopped, and his disciples were amazed.
(Matthew has embellished the walking-on-water story from Mark, which I summarised as: 'Then Jesus dismissed the crowd and told his disciples to get into the boat and cross to the other side. Jesus had a rest for a bit, but then he saw that the boat was making painful progress because the wind was against it. He walked up to it, on the water, and got in the boat. Then the wind stopped and his disciples were amazed.')
They reached Gennesaret and healed a lot of sick people.
15) The Pharisees noticed that Jesus & Co were eating food with dirty hands. (The Pharisees told Jews to wash their hands before eating; they also told people to wash their cups and pots.) They asked Jesus why they were eating with dirty hands. Jesus quotes from the Book of Isaiah, then says that hand-washing is a tradition of men, not a commandment of God. He called the Pharisees hypocrites for ignoring the commandments of God for the sake of man-made traditions.
And he called the people to him and said to them, “Hear and understand: it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person... Do you not see that whatever goes into the mouth passes into the stomach and is expelled? But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. These are what defile a person. But to eat with unwashed hands does not defile anyone.”
(Here, Jesus demonstrates a knowledge of biology and hygiene which one might expect from an illiterate carpenter living 2000 years ago.)
A Canaanite woman asked Jesus to help her demon-possessed daughter. Jesus ignored her. His disciples begged him to deal with her.
Jesus said, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.”
The woman begged for help.
Jesus said, “It is not right to take the children's bread and throw it to the dogs.”
The woman said, “Yes, Lord, yet even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters' table.”
Jesus was pleased with her response, and healed her daughter.
(Here, as above, the author in reinforcing that Jesus' priority is first and foremost to his fellow Jews. He doesn't preach to Gentiles, and he only heals Gentiles if they come to him first and acknowledge the Chosen People (the children) as superior to non-Jews (the dogs). Hey, remember that Paul chap...)
Another great crowd; Jesus wanted to feed them. Luckily, he had seven loaves of bread with him. He broke them up and fed everyone, about four thousand people.
16) The Pharisees appeared and demanded a sign from heaven to prove who he was. Jesus lamented that people could interpret the signs of the weather, but not the signs of the times.
Jesus then revealed to his disciples that he was the Messiah, but strictly charged them not to tell anyone. He explained to them that he had to die then resurrect after three days, and then the world will end very shortly afterwards:
"For the Son of Man is going to come with his angels in the glory of his Father, and then he will repay each person according to what he has done. Truly, I say to you, there are some standing here who will not taste death until they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom.”
17) Six days later, Jesus took Peter, James and John up a mountain with him. And before them he was transfigured: his clothes became radiant, whiter than anything on earth could bleach. Elijah and Moses appeared, and they were talking to Jesus. Then a voice came out of the clouds saying "This is my beloved Son!" And then everything went back to normal, and Jesus told them not to tell anyone what they'd seen.
Another big crowd. A man brought his epileptic son to Jesus, who rebuked the epilepsy-demon until it left the boy.
18) Jesus gave his views on temptation to sin:
“Woe to the world for temptations to sin! For it is necessary that temptations come, but woe to the one by whom the temptation comes! And if your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life crippled or lame than with two hands or two feet to be thrown into the eternal fire. And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into the hell of fire."
And then he told the Parable of the Lost Sheep:
Man has 100 hundred sheep. One sheep goes missing. The man looks for the lost sheep. When he finds it, he rejoices over it more than the 99 that never went astray. God is like that.
(If my interpretation is correct, this is my least-favourite parable so far. God prefers a sinner who repents and returns to him more than someone who was clever enough/strong enough to resist temptation and not sin in the first place. This parable gives the impression that God is like one of those school teachers who lavishes rewards and praise on a delinquent pupil when they finally stop trying to burn the school down, and takes for granted all those who could figure that it was bad thing to do so didn't try it in the first place. This interpretation links to Jesus' earlier comment that he's here for sinners, not for those who are already righteous.)
19) Jesus & Co. went to Judea. Crowds gathered. A Pharisee asked if it was legal for a man to divorce his wife. "Whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”
(As with the earlier section dealing with divorce, Matthew disagreed with Mark, who forbid divorce altogether, so added the 'except for sexual immorality' clause to Jesus' sayings.)
A man asked Jesus how he could get eternal life; Jesus told him to follow the commandments and "sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me." The man went away, not wanting to get rid of everything he owned.
Jesus lamented:
“Truly, I say to you, only with difficulty will a rich person enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God... Truly, I say to you, in the new world, when the Son of Man will sit on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name's sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last first."
20) Jesus told a parable, healed some people and foretold his death again.
21) Jesus told his disciples to find him a colt from a nearby village. Jesus sat on the colt; people spread leafy branches on the ground. Crowds accompanied him to the city. When he entered Jerusalem, the whole city was stirred up, asking who Jesus was, and the crowds answered “This is the prophet Jesus, from Nazareth of Galilee.”
(Matthew has again embellished the account from Mark, which I summarised as:
Jesus tells his disciples to find him a colt from a nearby village. Jesus sat on the colt; people spread leafy branches on the ground. He went into Jerusalem and looked around, but it was already late, so he went out to Bethany (a nearby village).)
They went to the Temple of Jerusalem, and Jesus drove out those who sold and bought in the temple, and he over-turned the tables of the money-changers and the seats of the pigeon-sellers. A crowd gathered round him, and he taught them. The chief priests and scribes were afraid and wanted to destroy him. Jesus & Co went to Bethany to lodge.
(In Mark, Jesus stays the night at Bethany and goes to the Temple the day after his arrival in Jerusalem, then returns to Bethany.)
The next day, on the way to Jerusalem, Jesus was hungry. He spotted a fig tree and approached it. But there was no fruit on it. Jesus cursed the tree. And the tree withered at once. His disciples were amazed.
(Again, Matthew has embellished Mark's story. In Mark, Jesus curses the tree and the next day Peter notices that the tree has withered away. I expect a lot of people had read Mark and asked 'So Jesus just shouted at a dying tree...?')
22) In Jerusalem again, the chief priests and scribes asked Jesus what authority he had. Jesus asked them what authority John the Baptist had. The priests were afraid to answer because if they said 'from heaven', they'd have to formally acknowledge him, but if they said 'from man', then they might get killed by the giant crowd of people who thought John was a legit prophet. So they answered, 'We do not know.' And Jesus dodged the question.
Someone, in an attempt to trap him, asked if it was lawful to pay taxes. Jesus pointed to Caesar's face on the coins and said “Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and to God the things that are God's.” And they marvelled at him.
(Jesus means: the Romans can have Roman things; the Promised Land belongs to God, who gave it to the Jews; therefore, Judea should be independent from Roman rule.)
Someone asked Jesus which was the most important commandment. He answered:
“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And ha second is like it: You shall love your neighbour as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”
23) Jesus rants about the Pharisees for this entire chapter.
24) After leaving the temple, one of his disciples said it was a really nice building. Jesus told him that it was going to be destroyed.
Then they sat on the mount of olives. Peter, James, John and Andrew asked Jesus what the signs of the End Times will be. He gives more or less the same answer he gave in Mark: lots of wars, persecution, watch out for false prophets, the Sun will darken, the stars will fall, the Son of Man will come in the clouds, angels with gather the elect, it's gonna be soon ('this generation will not pass away until all these things take place'), but no one except God knows exactly when, but be ready for it. Any day now.
25) Jesus told more parables, and went into more details about the End Times:
“When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on his glorious throne. Before him will be gathered all the nations, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. And he will place the sheep on his right, but the goats on the left." Sheep go to Heaven, to Eternal Life; Goats join Satan & Co. in the Eternal Fire.
26) Two days before Passover, the chief priests decided to kill Jesus, but not during the Passover celebration itself, just in case the crowds went crazy.
Judas Iscariot went to the chief priests to betray Jesus; they promised money.
Passover time: the disciples prepared the Passover feast. While they are eating, Jesus said that someone amongst them had betrayed him, and it would've been better for the betrayer if he'd never been born. Judas, who would betray him, answered, “Is it I, Rabbi?” He said to him, “You have said so.”
Jesus took some bread, blessed it and passed it around.
“Take; this is my body."
Then he took a cup of wine and thanked everyone.
“This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many. Truly, I say to you, I will not drink again of the fruit of the vine until that day when I drink it new in the kingdom of God.”
Then they went to Gethsemane. Jesus prayed for a bit, while Peter, James and John watched. Peter fell asleep; Jesus woke him, then prayed again. The others fell asleep. Jesus eventually woke them, saying that his betrayal was at hand.
Judas appeared, along with a crowd of armed men. He had told the crowd that he would kiss Jesus to mark him from the others. Judas greeted Jesus and kissed him. Jesus was arrested; one of Jesus' disciples drew his sword and cut off someone's ear.
“Put your sword back into its place. For all who take the sword will perish by the sword. Do you think that I cannot appeal to my Father, and he will at once send me more than twelve legions of angels? But how then should the Scriptures be fulfilled, that it must be so?”
Then all the disciples left him and fled.
Jesus was presented before the council of chief priests and elders. The chief priests were seeking testimony to convict Jesus, but found none. Many bore false witness, but their testimonies contradicted each other. Jesus remained silent throughout until the high priest asked if he was the Christ.
“You have said so. But I tell you, from now on you will see the Son of Man seated at the right hand of Power and coming on the clouds of heaven.”
(Compare with Jesus' admission in Mark: “I am, and you will see the Son of Man seated at the right hand of Power, and coming with the clouds of heaven.")
The council sentenced Jesus to death for blasphemy.
27) The next morning, Jesus was delivered to Pontius Pilate.
When Judas the Betrayer saw that Jesus was condemned, he changed his mind and returned the money to the priests. But the priests didn't want the blood money. Judas threw the money on the floor and went off to hang himself. The priests didn't want to put blood money in the treasury, so used it to purchase a field, to be used as a burial plot for strangers.
(In Mark, Judas' story ends with the betrayal.)
At the Passover feast, Pilate used to release a prisoner for the Jews. He asked the Jews if they wanted Jesus or the murderer Barabbas released. Pilate thought that Jesus was innocent and the chief priests had convicted him out of envy. Pilate's wife had had a bad dream about Jesus and advised him not to have anything to do with the crucifixion. But the crowd wanted Jesus dead. They cried 'Crucify him!'
'So when Pilate saw that he was gaining nothing, but rather that a riot was beginning, he took water and washed his hands before the crowd, saying, “I am innocent of this man's blood; see to it yourselves.” And all the people answered, “His blood be on us and on our children!” Then he released for them Barabbas, and having scourged Jesus, delivered him to be crucified.'
(Like Mark, the author of Matthew wanted to distance the Christians from the Jews - who, having recently rebelled against Rome, were not very popular - and to enforce the idea that Christianity was not an anti-Roman religion, despite it's hero having preached against Roman rule and been crucified by Roman soldiers under the authorisation of the Roman governor. Pagan Romans persecuted the early Christians because they refused to worship the gods of Rome; religion and politics were entwined; not worshipping the Roman gods was political rebellion. Having an anti-Roman messiah didn't help their reputation.
Matthew takes it one step further from Mark by having Pilate symbolically wash his hands of Jesus' blood and declare his innocence, while the crowd of Jews shout “His blood be on us and on our children!” to really emphasize the point.)
Jesus was scourged and sent to the governor's headquarters. The Roman battalion clothed him in a purple cloak and put on him a crown of thorns. And they saluted him, saying “Hail, King of the Jews!” They spat on him and mocked him. When they had finished, they stripped him of the purple cloak and put his clothes back on him.
They asked a passerby, Simon of Cyrene, to carry his cross. They brought him to Golgotha. And they crucified him.
At the sixth hour there was darkness, which lasted until the ninth hour, when Jesus said "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Then Jesus uttered a loud cry and breathed his last. And behold, the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. And the earth shook, and the rocks were split. The tombs also were opened. And many bodies of the saints who had fallen asleep were raised, and coming out of the tombs after his resurrection they went into the holy city and appeared to many. A nearby centurion said, "“Truly this man was a son of God!”
(Another embellishment by Matthew. After Jesus' death in Mark, the temple's curtain is torn in two. That's it. No earthshakes, split rocks, or army of the undead.)
In the evening, Joseph of Arimathea went to Pilate to ask for Jesus' body. Pilate assented. Joseph wrapped the body in a linen shroud and laid it in a tomb. He rolled a stone against the entrance. This was on the eve of the Sabbath.
(When Joseph asks for the body in Mark, Pilate is surprised to hear that Jesus is already dead. The author of Matthew decided to omit this detail.)
The next day, the chief priests and the Pharisees gathered before Pilate and asked him to station guards outside Jesus' tomb, just in case his disciples should steal his body and claim that he resurrected. Guards were posted outside Jesus' tomb.
28) After the Sabbath, Mary & Mary Magdalene went to the tomb. Then there was an earthquake. An angel descended from Heaven, rolled back the stone and sat on it. 'His appearance was like lightning, and his clothing white as snow. And for fear of him the guards trembled and became like dead men.'
“Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus who was crucified. He is not here, for he has risen, as he said. Come, see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples that he has risen from the dead, and behold, he is going before you to Galilee; there you will see him. See, I have told you.”
So they departed quickly from the tomb with fear and great joy, and ran to tell his disciples. And behold, Jesus met them and said, “Greetings!” And they came up and took hold of his feet and worshiped him. Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid; go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee, and there they will see me.”
One of the guards, who had been scared nearly to death by an angel that looked like lightning, went to tell the high priests what had just happened. The priests commanded him, and the other soldiers, to tell everyone that Jesus' disciples had stolen his body during the night. 'So they took the money and did as they were directed. And this story has been spread among the Jews to this day.'
Now the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain to which Jesus had directed them. And when they saw him they worshiped him, but some doubted. And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”
(Again, the author of Matthew has embellished the account from Mark. In Mark, Mary & Mary visit the tomb - the stone rolled back, the body missing - and the angel, already inside, informs them that Jesus' has risen.)
THE END
Sunday 14 December 2014
Friday 5 December 2014
New Testament: The Gospel of Mark
1) John the Baptist was baptising people. John foresaw the coming of someone greater than him, who will baptise not with water, but with the Holy Spirit.
(The early Christians had a tough time convincing the followers of John the Baptist that Jesus, not John, was the actual Messiah. John's followers argued that Jesus began as one of John's followers, and only started thinking that he himself was the Messiah after John was arrested. They were unwilling to switch one dead messiah for another.)
Jesus came from Nazareth and was baptised by John in the Jordan River. When he came out of the water he saw the heavens being torn open and the Holy Spirit descending on him. Then God spoke to him: "You are my beloved Son; with you I am well pleased.”
The Spirit told Jesus to out into the wilderness for forty days, where Satan tempted him. He hung around with wild animals, and was ministered by angels.
John was arrested, and Jesus went to Galilee to proclaim that it was End Times: “The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel.”
Jesus met Simon & Andrew, fishermen brothers, on the coast of the Sea of Galilee. He told them to come with him; they did. Later, he met James & John, brothers, and called them to him; they abandoned their father and followed him.
In Capernaum, Jesus went into a synagogue and started teaching. People were astonished. Outside the synagogue he met a man with an unclean spirit.
“What have you to do with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy us? I know who you are—the Holy One of God.” said the man.
“Be silent, and come out of him!” said Jesus, and the man convulsed and cried out as the unclean spirit left him. And the people were amazed that he could command unclean spirits.
In the evening, people brought diseased people to him, and Jesus cast out many demons. Jesus touched a leper and cured his leprosy; he asked the former leper not to tell anyone about it, but the leper couldn't help himself. Jesus became famous.
2) Some days later, people brought a paralytic man to Jesus, who tells the paralytic that his sins are forgiven. Some people question whether Jesus has the authority to forgive sins; Jesus declares that the Son of Man has authority to forgive sins on earth. The paralytic got up and walked home; the people were amazed.
(Jesus is here declaring himself The Son of Man from the Book of Daniel:
"I kept looking in the night visions, And behold, with the clouds of heaven One like a Son of Man was coming, And He came up to the Ancient of Days And was presented before Him. And to Him was given dominion, Glory and a kingdom, That all the peoples, nations and men of every language Might serve Him. His dominion is an everlasting dominion Which will not pass away; And His kingdom is one Which will not be destroyed.")
When Jesus was at his house hanging around with tax collectors and sinners, a Pharisee asked why he was hanging out with such people. Jesus said, "“Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.”
One Sabbath day, Jesus' disciples were plucking heads of grain. The Pharisees asked why they were doing work on the Sabbath. Jesus answered that the Sabbath was made for man, so the Son of Man is lord of the Sabbath.
3) Jesus returned to the Synagogue and healed a man with a withered hand.
Jesus appointed his twelve apostles and gave them authority to preach and cast out demons in his name. They were: Simon/Peter, James, John, James, Andrew, Philip, Bartholomew, Matthew, Thomas, James, Simon the Zealot, and Judas Iscariot.
Jesus went home for food. A large crowd gathered. Jesus' family thought he was 'out of his mind'.
Someone accuses Jesus of being possessed by Beelzebub; the demons obey his commands because he is their leader. Jesus answered with a cryptic parable, and declared that blasphemy against the Holy Spirit is the One Unforgivable Sin. Everything else will be forgiven, but not this.
Then Jesus' mother and brothers appeared, and told him to come home (for dinner, I like to imagine). Jesus declared that they weren't his real family, his followers were.
4) A large crowd. Jesus told them the Parable of the Sower:
Sower sows seed. Some seeds eaten by birds; some falls on rocky ground, where it grows and quickly withers; some grow amongst thorns, which choke it; some falls on good ground and grows well.)
Later that day, his apostles asked him what he was going on about. Jesus told them he was speaking in parables so that outsiders wouldn't understand the secrets of the Kingdom of God. He then explained that the seed is the word, the birds are Satan, rocky ground is weak will, and the thorns are greed. And the Kingdom of God is the sower! Jesus spoke in many parables, and he explained their meaning to his disciples in private.
Later that day, Jesus & Co. cross the Sea of Galilee. A great storm arose, but Jesus was asleep. His disciples were scared; they woke him and told him that they might die. Jesus told the wind to chill out; the storm calmed down. They were amazed.
5) On the other side, Jesus met a man with an unclean spirit. No one had ever been able to bind or calm this man. Night and day he would cry out and cut himself. Jesus commanded the spirit to leave him, and asked its name.
“My name is Legion, for we are many.” said the spirits.
There was a herd of pigs nearby, so Jesus commanded the spirits to enter the pigs, who immediately rushed down the steep bank into the sea and drowned. The man fled and told everyone what'd happened.
Jesus got into the boat and crossed back to other side. Another great crowd gathered. Amongst the crowd was a woman who had been discharging blood for twelve years, and no doctor could heal her*! She touched Jesus' garment and was cured; the flow of blood dried up. Feeling power drain from him, Jesus looked around asking who had touched him. The woman owned up. Jesus told her to go in peace because her faith has healed her.
(*2000 years ago, medical science wasn't great)
Then someone told Jesus that the local rabbi's daughter had died. Jesus told him not to fear, only believe. Then he went into the rabbi's house and declared that the girl was only sleeping. Then she got up and started walking. Everyone was amazed.
6) Jesus returned to his hometown. On the Sabbath he taught in the synagogue. Many people were amazed. They wondered where he had got his authority from, when he was the son of a carpenter and the rest of his family were amongst the synagogue's congregation. Jesus couldn't do much in his home town except heal a few sick people, so he went to other villages.
Jesus told his apostles to go out to two by two, casting out demons across the land, and not to accept payment for their services.
Meanwhile, King Herod heard about Jesus, and worried that he might be John the Baptist raised from the dead. Herod had killed John because his niece/daughter-in-law (Herod had married his brother's wife) had asked him to.
The apostles returned to Jesus. They travelled somewhere. Another big crowd, 'and he had compassion on them, for they were like sheep without a shepherd.' When it grew late, the apostles asked Jesus to send the crowd away; instead, Jesus decided to feed them using five loaves of bread and two fish. Jesus said a blessing and broke up the food. All ate and were satisfied, five thousand men.
Then Jesus dismissed the crowd and told his disciples to get into the boat and cross to the other side. Jesus had a rest for a bit, but then he saw that the boat was making painful progress because the wind was against it. He walked up to it, on the water, and got in the boat. Then the wind stopped and his disciples were amazed.
They reached Gennesaret, and healed a lot of sick people.
7) The Pharisees noticed that Jesus & Co were eating food with dirty hands. (The Pharisees told Jews to wash their hands before eating; they also told people to wash their cups and pots.) They asked Jesus why they were eating with dirty hands. Jesus quotes from the Book of Isaiah, then says that hand-washing is a tradition of men, not a commandment of God.
Jesus said: "There is nothing outside a person that by going into him can defile him, but the things that come out of a person are what defile him... Do you not see that whatever goes into a person from outside cannot defile him, since it enters not his heart but his stomach, and is expelled? What comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.”
(Here, Jesus demonstrates a knowledge of biology and hygiene which one might expect from an illiterate carpenter living 2000 years ago.)
A deaf man with a speech impediment was brought forth. Jesus put his fingers in the man's ears, spat on his hand and touched his tongue. Then the man was healed. Jesus asked them to tell no one, but they sure did!
8) Another great crowd; Jesus wanted to feed them. Luckily, he had seven loaves of bread with him. He broke them up and fed everyone, about four thousand people.
Then the Pharisees appeared and demanded a sign from heaven to prove who he was. Jesus sighed and asked why this generation always wanted people's claims to be backed up by evidence, and he refused to provide a sign.
Later, Jesus told his disciples that the Son of Man must suffer and be killed, then resurrect after three days. His disciples had no idea what he was on about. Jesus then explained that the people who come to follow him in the future and lose their lives for the sake of his gospel will be saved.
9) 'And he said to them, “Truly, I say to you, there are some standing here who will not taste death until they see the kingdom of God after it has come with power.”'
Six days later, Jesus took Peter, James and John up a mountain with him. And before them he was transfigured: his clothes became radiant, whiter than anything on earth could bleach*. Elijah and Moses appeared, and they were talking to Jesus. Then a voice came out of the clouds saying "This is my beloved Son!" And then everything went back to normal, and Jesus told them not to tell anyone what they'd seen.
(*Daz didn't exist 2000 years ago)
Another big crowd. Someone brought to Jesus their son, who had an evil spirit in him which occasionally seized control, throwing him to the ground and causing him to foam at the mouth, grind his teeth and become rigid... As soon as the spirit saw Jesus, it took control and sent the boy into a fit. Jesus asked the father how long this had been happening.
“From childhood. And it has often cast him into fire and into water, to destroy him. But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.”
Jesus scoffed at the phrase 'if you can' and rebuked the unclean spirit, telling it to leave the boy and never return. After making the boy cry and convulse terribly, the spirit left and the boy looked dead. Jesus took him by the hand and helped him to his feet.
Children gather round and Jesus told his followers about sin:
“Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him if a great millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea. And if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than with two hands to go to hell, to the unquenchable fire. And if your foot causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life lame than with two feet to be thrown into hell. And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into shell, ‘where their worm does not die and the fire is not quenched.’ For everyone will be salted with fire. Salt is good, but if the salt has lost its saltiness, how will you make it salty again? Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with one another.”
10) Jesus & Co. went to Judea. Crowds gathered. A Pharisee asked if it was legal for a man to divorce his wife. Jesus asked what Moses said. The Pharisee said that Moses said it was OK. Jesus said that Moses made that up and divorce was bad. "But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Jesus went on to explain that remarrying after divorce was the same as adultery.
A man asked Jesus how he could get eternal life; Jesus told him to follow the commandments and "sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me." The man went away, not wanting to get rid of everything he owned. Jesus lamented:
“How difficult it will be for those who have wealth to enter the kingdom of God! Children, how difficult it is to enter the kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God... Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for my sake and for the gospel, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last first.”
Another great crowd. Jesus healed a blind man called Bartimaeus.
11) Jesus tells his disciples to find him a colt from a nearby village. Jesus sat on the colt; people spread leafy branches on the ground. He went into Jerusalem and looked around, but it was already late, so he went out to Bethany (a nearby village).
The next day, on the way back from Bethany, Jesus was hungry. He spotted a fig tree and approached it. But there was no fruit on it. Jesus cursed the tree.
They went to the Temple of Jerusalem, and Jesus drove out those who sold and bought in the temple, and he over-turned the tables of the money-changers and the seats of the pigeon-sellers. A crowd gathered round him, and he taught them. The chief priests and scribes were afraid and wanted to destroy him. Jesus & Co returned to Bethany.
The next day, Peter noticed that the fig tree had withered away. Jesus told him to have faith and believe, then anything is possible.
In Jerusalem again, the chief priests and scribes asked Jesus what authority he had. Jesus asked them what authority John the Baptist had. The priests were afraid to answer because if they said 'from heaven', they'd have to formally acknowledge him, but if they said 'from man', then they might get killed by the giant crowd of people who thought John was a legit prophet. So they answered, 'We do not know.' And Jesus dodged the question.
12) Someone, in an attempt to trap him, asked if it was lawful to pay taxes. Jesus pointed to Caesar's face on the coins and said “Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and to God the things that are God's.” And they marvelled at him. (Jesus means: the Romans can have Roman things; the Promised Land belongs to God, who gave it to the Jews; therefore, Judea should be independent from Roman rule.)
Someone asked Jesus which commandment was most important. Jesus answered:
"The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these."
Then no one dared ask any further questions.
13) After leaving the temple, one of his disciples said it was a really nice building. Jesus told him that it was going to be destroyed.
Then they sat on the mount of olives. Peter, James, John and Andrew asked Jesus when everything's going to be accomplished. Jesus answered:
“See that no one leads you astray. Many will come in my name, saying, ‘I am he!’ and they will lead many astray. And when you hear of wars and rumors of wars, do not be alarmed. This must take place, but the end is not yet. For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places; there will be famines. These are but the beginning of the birth pains...
“But be on your guard. For they will deliver you over to councils, and you will be beaten in synagogues, and you will stand before governors and kings for my sake, to bear witness before them. And the gospel must first be proclaimed to all nations. And when they bring you to trial and deliver you over, do not be anxious beforehand what you are to say, but say whatever is given you in that hour, for it is not you who speak, but the Holy Spirit. And brother will deliver brother over to death, and the father his child, and children will rise against parents and have them put to death. And you will be hated by all for my name's sake. But the one who endures to the end will be saved...
"“But in those days, after that tribulation, the sun will be darkened, and the moon will not give its light, and the stars will be falling from heaven, and the powers in the heavens will be shaken. And then they will see the Son of Man coming in clouds with great power and glory. And then he will send out the angels and gather his elect from the four winds, from the ends of the earth to the ends of heaven...Truly, I say to you, this generation will not pass away until all these things take place. Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away... But concerning that day or that hour, no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father."
(It is worth pointing out here, where Jesus admits ignorance of something God knows, that Jesus was not declared equal to God until 325 C.E. At this stage in the development of the scripture, Jesus is fully human: in Jewish religious language, a son of God is a particularly holy man, and the Son of Man is the Messiah.)
14) Two days before Passover, the chief priests decided to kill Jesus, but not during the Passover celebration itself, just in case the crowds went crazy.
Judas Iscariot went to the chief priests to betray Jesus; they promised money.
Passover time: the disciples prepared the Passover feast. While they are eating, Jesus said that someone amongst them had betrayed him, and it would've been better for the betrayer if he'd never been born.
Jesus took some bread, blessed it and passed it around.
“Take; this is my body."
Then he took a cup of wine and thanked everyone.
“This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many. Truly, I say to you, I will not drink again of the fruit of the vine until that day when I drink it new in the kingdom of God.”
Then they went to Gethsemane. Jesus prayed for a bit, while Peter, James and John watched. Peter fell asleep; Jesus woke him, then prayed again. The others fell asleep. Jesus eventually woke them, saying that his betrayal was at hand.
Judas appeared, along with a crowd of armed men. He had told the crowd that he would kiss Jesus to mark him from the others. Judas greeted Jesus and kissed him. Jesus was arrested; one of Jesus' disciples drew his sword and cut off someone's ear before fleeing.
Jesus was presented before the council of chief priests and elders. The chief priests were seeking testimony to convict Jesus, but found none. Many bore false witness, but their testimonies contradicted each other. Jesus remained silent throughout until the high priest asked if he was the Christ.
“I am, and you will see the Son of Man seated at the right hand of Power, and coming with the clouds of heaven.”
(See the passage from Daniel above.)
The council sentenced Jesus to death for blasphemy.
15) The next morning, Jesus was delivered to Pontius Pilate.
At the Passover feast, Pilate used to release a prisoner for the Jews. He asked the Jews if they wanted Jesus or the murderer Barabbas released. Pilate thought that Jesus was innocent, and the chief priests had convicted him out of envy, but the crowd wanted Jesus dead. The crowd cried 'Crucify him!'
(This bit about Pilate is fiction; Pilate was famously brutal with the Jews, sending out soldiers to slaughter them and signing execution orders without caring. The prisoner-release thing is nonsense. Even Roman citizens complained to the senate that he was too cruel. Here, the author of Mark is trying to distance the already unpopular Christians from the Jews, who had just rebelled against Rome, resulting in an increase of anti-Semitism. By making Pilate innocent-ish, and placing the blame on the Jews, the author also tries to cover up Jesus' anti-Roman preaching, and make Jesus more likeable to the growing number of Gentile Christians across the Roman Empire.)
Jesus was scourged and sent to the governor's headquarters. The Roman battalion clothed him in a purple cloak and put on him a crown of thorns. And they saluted him, saying “Hail, King of the Jews!” They spat on him and mocked him. When they had finished, they stripped him of the purple cloak and put his clothes back on him.
They asked a passerby, Simon of Cyrene, to carry his cross. They brought him to Golgotha. And they crucified him at the third hour. At the sixth hour there was darkness, which lasted until the ninth hour, when Jesus said "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Then Jesus uttered a loud cry and breathed his last. A nearby centurion said, "“Truly this man was a son of God!”
(Remember: in Jewish religious language, a 'son of God' is a particularly holy person, not a deity-human hybrid, or God in human form.)
In the evening, Joseph of Arimathea went to Pilate to ask for Jesus' body. Pilate was surprised that Jesus had died so quickly, then granted Joseph the corpse. Joseph wrapped the body in a linen shroud and laid it in a tomb. He rolled a stone against the entrance. This was on the eve of the Sabbath.
16) After the Sabbath, Mary Magdalene, Salome and Mary mother of Jesus visited Jesus' tomb.
Someone had already rolled back the stone.
Inside, there was a young man dressed in a white robe.
“Do not be alarmed. You seek Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified. He has risen; he is not here. See the place where they laid him. But go, tell his disciples and Peter that he is going before you to Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you.”
And they went out and fled from the tomb, for trembling and astonishment had seized them, and they said nothing to anyone, for they were afraid.
THE END
<credits roll>
(The rest of chapter was added in the second century; the earliest manuscripts end with that Dramatic Cliffhanger. I like to think of the rest as during-credits, or after-credits, scenes)
Jesus appeared to Mary Magdalene. (during credits)
Jesus appeared to two disciples. (during credits)
<credits end>
Jesus appeared to the eleven apostles, and he rebuked them for their unbelief. And he said to them:
“Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation. Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. And these signs will accompany those who believe: in my name they will cast out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up serpents with their hands; and if they drink any deadly poison, it will not hurt them; they will lay their hands on the sick, and they will recover.”
Then Jesus flew up to heaven and sat down at the right hand of God.
(The early Christians had a tough time convincing the followers of John the Baptist that Jesus, not John, was the actual Messiah. John's followers argued that Jesus began as one of John's followers, and only started thinking that he himself was the Messiah after John was arrested. They were unwilling to switch one dead messiah for another.)
Jesus came from Nazareth and was baptised by John in the Jordan River. When he came out of the water he saw the heavens being torn open and the Holy Spirit descending on him. Then God spoke to him: "You are my beloved Son; with you I am well pleased.”
The Spirit told Jesus to out into the wilderness for forty days, where Satan tempted him. He hung around with wild animals, and was ministered by angels.
John was arrested, and Jesus went to Galilee to proclaim that it was End Times: “The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel.”
Jesus met Simon & Andrew, fishermen brothers, on the coast of the Sea of Galilee. He told them to come with him; they did. Later, he met James & John, brothers, and called them to him; they abandoned their father and followed him.
In Capernaum, Jesus went into a synagogue and started teaching. People were astonished. Outside the synagogue he met a man with an unclean spirit.
“What have you to do with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy us? I know who you are—the Holy One of God.” said the man.
“Be silent, and come out of him!” said Jesus, and the man convulsed and cried out as the unclean spirit left him. And the people were amazed that he could command unclean spirits.
In the evening, people brought diseased people to him, and Jesus cast out many demons. Jesus touched a leper and cured his leprosy; he asked the former leper not to tell anyone about it, but the leper couldn't help himself. Jesus became famous.
2) Some days later, people brought a paralytic man to Jesus, who tells the paralytic that his sins are forgiven. Some people question whether Jesus has the authority to forgive sins; Jesus declares that the Son of Man has authority to forgive sins on earth. The paralytic got up and walked home; the people were amazed.
(Jesus is here declaring himself The Son of Man from the Book of Daniel:
"I kept looking in the night visions, And behold, with the clouds of heaven One like a Son of Man was coming, And He came up to the Ancient of Days And was presented before Him. And to Him was given dominion, Glory and a kingdom, That all the peoples, nations and men of every language Might serve Him. His dominion is an everlasting dominion Which will not pass away; And His kingdom is one Which will not be destroyed.")
When Jesus was at his house hanging around with tax collectors and sinners, a Pharisee asked why he was hanging out with such people. Jesus said, "“Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.”
One Sabbath day, Jesus' disciples were plucking heads of grain. The Pharisees asked why they were doing work on the Sabbath. Jesus answered that the Sabbath was made for man, so the Son of Man is lord of the Sabbath.
3) Jesus returned to the Synagogue and healed a man with a withered hand.
Jesus appointed his twelve apostles and gave them authority to preach and cast out demons in his name. They were: Simon/Peter, James, John, James, Andrew, Philip, Bartholomew, Matthew, Thomas, James, Simon the Zealot, and Judas Iscariot.
Jesus went home for food. A large crowd gathered. Jesus' family thought he was 'out of his mind'.
Someone accuses Jesus of being possessed by Beelzebub; the demons obey his commands because he is their leader. Jesus answered with a cryptic parable, and declared that blasphemy against the Holy Spirit is the One Unforgivable Sin. Everything else will be forgiven, but not this.
Then Jesus' mother and brothers appeared, and told him to come home (for dinner, I like to imagine). Jesus declared that they weren't his real family, his followers were.
4) A large crowd. Jesus told them the Parable of the Sower:
Sower sows seed. Some seeds eaten by birds; some falls on rocky ground, where it grows and quickly withers; some grow amongst thorns, which choke it; some falls on good ground and grows well.)
Later that day, his apostles asked him what he was going on about. Jesus told them he was speaking in parables so that outsiders wouldn't understand the secrets of the Kingdom of God. He then explained that the seed is the word, the birds are Satan, rocky ground is weak will, and the thorns are greed. And the Kingdom of God is the sower! Jesus spoke in many parables, and he explained their meaning to his disciples in private.
Later that day, Jesus & Co. cross the Sea of Galilee. A great storm arose, but Jesus was asleep. His disciples were scared; they woke him and told him that they might die. Jesus told the wind to chill out; the storm calmed down. They were amazed.
5) On the other side, Jesus met a man with an unclean spirit. No one had ever been able to bind or calm this man. Night and day he would cry out and cut himself. Jesus commanded the spirit to leave him, and asked its name.
“My name is Legion, for we are many.” said the spirits.
There was a herd of pigs nearby, so Jesus commanded the spirits to enter the pigs, who immediately rushed down the steep bank into the sea and drowned. The man fled and told everyone what'd happened.
Jesus got into the boat and crossed back to other side. Another great crowd gathered. Amongst the crowd was a woman who had been discharging blood for twelve years, and no doctor could heal her*! She touched Jesus' garment and was cured; the flow of blood dried up. Feeling power drain from him, Jesus looked around asking who had touched him. The woman owned up. Jesus told her to go in peace because her faith has healed her.
(*2000 years ago, medical science wasn't great)
Then someone told Jesus that the local rabbi's daughter had died. Jesus told him not to fear, only believe. Then he went into the rabbi's house and declared that the girl was only sleeping. Then she got up and started walking. Everyone was amazed.
6) Jesus returned to his hometown. On the Sabbath he taught in the synagogue. Many people were amazed. They wondered where he had got his authority from, when he was the son of a carpenter and the rest of his family were amongst the synagogue's congregation. Jesus couldn't do much in his home town except heal a few sick people, so he went to other villages.
Jesus told his apostles to go out to two by two, casting out demons across the land, and not to accept payment for their services.
Meanwhile, King Herod heard about Jesus, and worried that he might be John the Baptist raised from the dead. Herod had killed John because his niece/daughter-in-law (Herod had married his brother's wife) had asked him to.
The apostles returned to Jesus. They travelled somewhere. Another big crowd, 'and he had compassion on them, for they were like sheep without a shepherd.' When it grew late, the apostles asked Jesus to send the crowd away; instead, Jesus decided to feed them using five loaves of bread and two fish. Jesus said a blessing and broke up the food. All ate and were satisfied, five thousand men.
Then Jesus dismissed the crowd and told his disciples to get into the boat and cross to the other side. Jesus had a rest for a bit, but then he saw that the boat was making painful progress because the wind was against it. He walked up to it, on the water, and got in the boat. Then the wind stopped and his disciples were amazed.
They reached Gennesaret, and healed a lot of sick people.
7) The Pharisees noticed that Jesus & Co were eating food with dirty hands. (The Pharisees told Jews to wash their hands before eating; they also told people to wash their cups and pots.) They asked Jesus why they were eating with dirty hands. Jesus quotes from the Book of Isaiah, then says that hand-washing is a tradition of men, not a commandment of God.
Jesus said: "There is nothing outside a person that by going into him can defile him, but the things that come out of a person are what defile him... Do you not see that whatever goes into a person from outside cannot defile him, since it enters not his heart but his stomach, and is expelled? What comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.”
(Here, Jesus demonstrates a knowledge of biology and hygiene which one might expect from an illiterate carpenter living 2000 years ago.)
A deaf man with a speech impediment was brought forth. Jesus put his fingers in the man's ears, spat on his hand and touched his tongue. Then the man was healed. Jesus asked them to tell no one, but they sure did!
8) Another great crowd; Jesus wanted to feed them. Luckily, he had seven loaves of bread with him. He broke them up and fed everyone, about four thousand people.
Then the Pharisees appeared and demanded a sign from heaven to prove who he was. Jesus sighed and asked why this generation always wanted people's claims to be backed up by evidence, and he refused to provide a sign.
Later, Jesus told his disciples that the Son of Man must suffer and be killed, then resurrect after three days. His disciples had no idea what he was on about. Jesus then explained that the people who come to follow him in the future and lose their lives for the sake of his gospel will be saved.
9) 'And he said to them, “Truly, I say to you, there are some standing here who will not taste death until they see the kingdom of God after it has come with power.”'
Six days later, Jesus took Peter, James and John up a mountain with him. And before them he was transfigured: his clothes became radiant, whiter than anything on earth could bleach*. Elijah and Moses appeared, and they were talking to Jesus. Then a voice came out of the clouds saying "This is my beloved Son!" And then everything went back to normal, and Jesus told them not to tell anyone what they'd seen.
(*Daz didn't exist 2000 years ago)
Another big crowd. Someone brought to Jesus their son, who had an evil spirit in him which occasionally seized control, throwing him to the ground and causing him to foam at the mouth, grind his teeth and become rigid... As soon as the spirit saw Jesus, it took control and sent the boy into a fit. Jesus asked the father how long this had been happening.
“From childhood. And it has often cast him into fire and into water, to destroy him. But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.”
Jesus scoffed at the phrase 'if you can' and rebuked the unclean spirit, telling it to leave the boy and never return. After making the boy cry and convulse terribly, the spirit left and the boy looked dead. Jesus took him by the hand and helped him to his feet.
Children gather round and Jesus told his followers about sin:
“Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him if a great millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea. And if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than with two hands to go to hell, to the unquenchable fire. And if your foot causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life lame than with two feet to be thrown into hell. And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into shell, ‘where their worm does not die and the fire is not quenched.’ For everyone will be salted with fire. Salt is good, but if the salt has lost its saltiness, how will you make it salty again? Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with one another.”
10) Jesus & Co. went to Judea. Crowds gathered. A Pharisee asked if it was legal for a man to divorce his wife. Jesus asked what Moses said. The Pharisee said that Moses said it was OK. Jesus said that Moses made that up and divorce was bad. "But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Jesus went on to explain that remarrying after divorce was the same as adultery.
A man asked Jesus how he could get eternal life; Jesus told him to follow the commandments and "sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me." The man went away, not wanting to get rid of everything he owned. Jesus lamented:
“How difficult it will be for those who have wealth to enter the kingdom of God! Children, how difficult it is to enter the kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God... Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for my sake and for the gospel, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last first.”
Another great crowd. Jesus healed a blind man called Bartimaeus.
11) Jesus tells his disciples to find him a colt from a nearby village. Jesus sat on the colt; people spread leafy branches on the ground. He went into Jerusalem and looked around, but it was already late, so he went out to Bethany (a nearby village).
The next day, on the way back from Bethany, Jesus was hungry. He spotted a fig tree and approached it. But there was no fruit on it. Jesus cursed the tree.
They went to the Temple of Jerusalem, and Jesus drove out those who sold and bought in the temple, and he over-turned the tables of the money-changers and the seats of the pigeon-sellers. A crowd gathered round him, and he taught them. The chief priests and scribes were afraid and wanted to destroy him. Jesus & Co returned to Bethany.
The next day, Peter noticed that the fig tree had withered away. Jesus told him to have faith and believe, then anything is possible.
In Jerusalem again, the chief priests and scribes asked Jesus what authority he had. Jesus asked them what authority John the Baptist had. The priests were afraid to answer because if they said 'from heaven', they'd have to formally acknowledge him, but if they said 'from man', then they might get killed by the giant crowd of people who thought John was a legit prophet. So they answered, 'We do not know.' And Jesus dodged the question.
12) Someone, in an attempt to trap him, asked if it was lawful to pay taxes. Jesus pointed to Caesar's face on the coins and said “Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and to God the things that are God's.” And they marvelled at him. (Jesus means: the Romans can have Roman things; the Promised Land belongs to God, who gave it to the Jews; therefore, Judea should be independent from Roman rule.)
Someone asked Jesus which commandment was most important. Jesus answered:
"The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these."
Then no one dared ask any further questions.
13) After leaving the temple, one of his disciples said it was a really nice building. Jesus told him that it was going to be destroyed.
Then they sat on the mount of olives. Peter, James, John and Andrew asked Jesus when everything's going to be accomplished. Jesus answered:
“See that no one leads you astray. Many will come in my name, saying, ‘I am he!’ and they will lead many astray. And when you hear of wars and rumors of wars, do not be alarmed. This must take place, but the end is not yet. For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places; there will be famines. These are but the beginning of the birth pains...
“But be on your guard. For they will deliver you over to councils, and you will be beaten in synagogues, and you will stand before governors and kings for my sake, to bear witness before them. And the gospel must first be proclaimed to all nations. And when they bring you to trial and deliver you over, do not be anxious beforehand what you are to say, but say whatever is given you in that hour, for it is not you who speak, but the Holy Spirit. And brother will deliver brother over to death, and the father his child, and children will rise against parents and have them put to death. And you will be hated by all for my name's sake. But the one who endures to the end will be saved...
"“But in those days, after that tribulation, the sun will be darkened, and the moon will not give its light, and the stars will be falling from heaven, and the powers in the heavens will be shaken. And then they will see the Son of Man coming in clouds with great power and glory. And then he will send out the angels and gather his elect from the four winds, from the ends of the earth to the ends of heaven...Truly, I say to you, this generation will not pass away until all these things take place. Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away... But concerning that day or that hour, no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father."
(It is worth pointing out here, where Jesus admits ignorance of something God knows, that Jesus was not declared equal to God until 325 C.E. At this stage in the development of the scripture, Jesus is fully human: in Jewish religious language, a son of God is a particularly holy man, and the Son of Man is the Messiah.)
14) Two days before Passover, the chief priests decided to kill Jesus, but not during the Passover celebration itself, just in case the crowds went crazy.
Judas Iscariot went to the chief priests to betray Jesus; they promised money.
Passover time: the disciples prepared the Passover feast. While they are eating, Jesus said that someone amongst them had betrayed him, and it would've been better for the betrayer if he'd never been born.
Jesus took some bread, blessed it and passed it around.
“Take; this is my body."
Then he took a cup of wine and thanked everyone.
“This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many. Truly, I say to you, I will not drink again of the fruit of the vine until that day when I drink it new in the kingdom of God.”
Then they went to Gethsemane. Jesus prayed for a bit, while Peter, James and John watched. Peter fell asleep; Jesus woke him, then prayed again. The others fell asleep. Jesus eventually woke them, saying that his betrayal was at hand.
Judas appeared, along with a crowd of armed men. He had told the crowd that he would kiss Jesus to mark him from the others. Judas greeted Jesus and kissed him. Jesus was arrested; one of Jesus' disciples drew his sword and cut off someone's ear before fleeing.
Jesus was presented before the council of chief priests and elders. The chief priests were seeking testimony to convict Jesus, but found none. Many bore false witness, but their testimonies contradicted each other. Jesus remained silent throughout until the high priest asked if he was the Christ.
“I am, and you will see the Son of Man seated at the right hand of Power, and coming with the clouds of heaven.”
(See the passage from Daniel above.)
The council sentenced Jesus to death for blasphemy.
15) The next morning, Jesus was delivered to Pontius Pilate.
At the Passover feast, Pilate used to release a prisoner for the Jews. He asked the Jews if they wanted Jesus or the murderer Barabbas released. Pilate thought that Jesus was innocent, and the chief priests had convicted him out of envy, but the crowd wanted Jesus dead. The crowd cried 'Crucify him!'
(This bit about Pilate is fiction; Pilate was famously brutal with the Jews, sending out soldiers to slaughter them and signing execution orders without caring. The prisoner-release thing is nonsense. Even Roman citizens complained to the senate that he was too cruel. Here, the author of Mark is trying to distance the already unpopular Christians from the Jews, who had just rebelled against Rome, resulting in an increase of anti-Semitism. By making Pilate innocent-ish, and placing the blame on the Jews, the author also tries to cover up Jesus' anti-Roman preaching, and make Jesus more likeable to the growing number of Gentile Christians across the Roman Empire.)
Jesus was scourged and sent to the governor's headquarters. The Roman battalion clothed him in a purple cloak and put on him a crown of thorns. And they saluted him, saying “Hail, King of the Jews!” They spat on him and mocked him. When they had finished, they stripped him of the purple cloak and put his clothes back on him.
They asked a passerby, Simon of Cyrene, to carry his cross. They brought him to Golgotha. And they crucified him at the third hour. At the sixth hour there was darkness, which lasted until the ninth hour, when Jesus said "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Then Jesus uttered a loud cry and breathed his last. A nearby centurion said, "“Truly this man was a son of God!”
(Remember: in Jewish religious language, a 'son of God' is a particularly holy person, not a deity-human hybrid, or God in human form.)
In the evening, Joseph of Arimathea went to Pilate to ask for Jesus' body. Pilate was surprised that Jesus had died so quickly, then granted Joseph the corpse. Joseph wrapped the body in a linen shroud and laid it in a tomb. He rolled a stone against the entrance. This was on the eve of the Sabbath.
16) After the Sabbath, Mary Magdalene, Salome and Mary mother of Jesus visited Jesus' tomb.
Someone had already rolled back the stone.
Inside, there was a young man dressed in a white robe.
“Do not be alarmed. You seek Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified. He has risen; he is not here. See the place where they laid him. But go, tell his disciples and Peter that he is going before you to Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you.”
And they went out and fled from the tomb, for trembling and astonishment had seized them, and they said nothing to anyone, for they were afraid.
THE END
<credits roll>
(The rest of chapter was added in the second century; the earliest manuscripts end with that Dramatic Cliffhanger. I like to think of the rest as during-credits, or after-credits, scenes)
Jesus appeared to Mary Magdalene. (during credits)
Jesus appeared to two disciples. (during credits)
<credits end>
Jesus appeared to the eleven apostles, and he rebuked them for their unbelief. And he said to them:
“Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation. Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. And these signs will accompany those who believe: in my name they will cast out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up serpents with their hands; and if they drink any deadly poison, it will not hurt them; they will lay their hands on the sick, and they will recover.”
Then Jesus flew up to heaven and sat down at the right hand of God.
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