Hebrew Bible: Judges 13-16 (Samson)

13) Philistia conquers Israel.

A woman is visited by an angel and told that she is going to bear a son. BUT SHE MUST NEVER CUT HIS HAIR BECAUSE HE IS THE CHOSEN ONE TO SAVE ISRAEL FROM THE PHILISTINES. She relays this information to her husband: "“A man of God came to me, and his appearance was like the appearance of the angel of God, very awesome. I did not ask him where he was from, and he did not tell me his name, but he said to me, ‘Behold, you shall conceive and bear a son.'"

Her husband prays for assistance in raising the child. The angel returns and they talk for a bit. The man offers the angel some food, the angel declines but suggests they sacrifice a goat to God instead. The goat bursts into flames, and the angel flies up the flames into the sky.

Husband: “We shall surely die, for we have seen God.”

Wife: “If the Lord had meant to kill us, he would not have accepted a burnt offering and a grain offering at our hands, or shown us all these things, or now announced to us such things as these.”

Unto them a child is born: Samson.

14) Fast-forward an unspecified number of years.

Samson spots a sexy Philistine woman, and wants her to be his wife. He tells his parents, but they'd prefer that he keep it in the family (“Is there not a woman among the daughters of your relatives, or among all our people, that you must go to take a wife from the uncircumcised Philistines?”). But Samson wants the Philistine.

So Samson heads to Timnah to visit her, and on the way a lion attacks him. 'Then the Spirit of the Lord rushed upon him, and although he had nothing in his hand, he tore the lion in pieces as one tears a young goat.'

He meets with the Philistine girl, and likes her a lot. He visits her again a few days later, and sees the lion carcass on the way. A swarm of bees has made a hive in the carcass and produced some honey. Samson eats some of the honey.

Samson, his parents, the girl he fancies, and thirty other Philistines have a big feast. Samson challenges them to solve a riddle:

“Out of the eater came something to eat.

Out of the strong came something sweet.”

If they solve within three days, he'll give them some clothes; if they don't, they give him some clothes.

'And in three days they could not solve the riddle.'

They ask Samson's wife to get the answer out of him.

His Wife: “You only hate me; you do not love me. You have put a riddle to my people, and you have not told me what it is.”

Samson: “Behold, I have not told my father nor my mother, and shall I tell you?”

She cries for five days and eventually he relents and tells her the answer. Then he gets angry, goes on a killing spree (30 dead) and returns to his father's house.

In his absence, Samson's wife is given to his friend, who had been best man at the wedding.

15) After a few days, Samson has calmed down and decides to visit his wife. He brings a young goat as a present. His father-in-law feels a bit awkward.

Samson: “I will go in to my wife in the chamber.”

Father-In-Law: “I really thought that you utterly hated her, so I gave her to your companion. Is not her younger sister more beautiful than she? Please take her instead.”

Samson: “This time I shall be innocent in regard to the Philistines, when I do them harm.”

'So Samson went and caught 300 foxes and took torches. And he turned them tail to tail and put a torch between each pair of tails. And when he had set fire to the torches, he let the foxes go into the standing grain of the Philistines and set fire to the stacked grain and the standing grain, as well as the olive orchards. Then the Philistines said, “Who has done this?” And they said, “Samson, the son-in-law of the Timnite, because he has taken his wife and given her to his companion.” And the Philistines came up and burned her and her father with fire.'

Samson swears revenge for their deaths.

Sometime later, a Philistine army starts raiding places, looking for Samson. Some Israelites find him. They agree not to attack him themselves: they will only tie him up and hand him over.

'When he came to Lehi, the Philistines came shouting to meet him. Then the Spirit of the Lord rushed upon him, and the ropes that were on his arms became as flax that has caught fire, and his bonds melted off his hands. And he found a fresh jawbone of a donkey, and put out his hand and took it, and with it he struck 1,000 men. And Samson said,

“With the jawbone of a donkey,

heaps upon heaps,

with the jawbone of a donkey

have I struck down a thousand men.”

As soon as he had finished speaking, he threw away the jawbone out of his hand.' (That is how bad-ass Samson is.)

'And he was very thirsty, and he called upon the Lord and said, “You have granted this great salvation by the hand of your servant, and shall I now die of thirst and fall into the hands of the uncircumcised?” And God split open the hollow place that is at Lehi, and water came out from it. And when he drank, his spirit returned, and he revived.'

16) 'Samson went to Gaza, and there he saw a prostitute, and he went in to her. The Gazites were told, “Samson has come here.” And they surrounded the place and set an ambush for him all night at the gate of the city. They kept quiet all night, saying, “Let us wait till the light of the morning; then we will kill him.” But Samson lay till midnight' and then escaped.

He goes to the Valley of Sorek, and loves a woman called Delilah. The Philistines want to know Samson's weakness, so they offer her 1,100 pieces of silver if she can get it out of him.

Delilah: “Please tell me where your great strength lies, and how you might be bound, that one could subdue you.”

Samson: “If they bind me with seven fresh bowstrings that have not been dried, then I shall become weak and be like any other man.”

She ties him up while he's sleeping, and the Philistines attack. 'But he snapped the bowstrings, as a thread of flax snaps when it touches the fire. So the secret of his strength was not known.'

Delilah: “Behold, you have mocked me and told me lies. Please tell me how you might be bound.”

Samson: “If they bind me with new ropes that have not been used, then I shall become weak and be like any other man.”

She ties him up while he's sleeping, and the Philistines attack. 'But he snapped the ropes off his arms like a thread.'

Delilah: “Until now you have mocked me and told me lies. Tell me how you might be bound.”

Samson: “If you weave the seven locks of my head with the web and fasten it tight with the pin, then I shall become weak and be like any other man.”

She does this while he sleeps, and the Philistines attack. 'But he awoke from his sleep and pulled away the pin, the loom, and the web.'

Delilah: “How can you say, ‘I love you,’ when your heart is not with me? You have mocked me these three times, and you have not told me where your great strength lies.”

'And when she pressed him hard with her words day after day, and urged him, his soul was vexed to death. And he told her all his heart, and said to her, “A razor has never come upon my head, for I have been a Nazirite to God from my mother's womb. If my head is shaved, then my strength will leave me, and I shall become weak and be like any other man." WHAT AN IDIOT. 

So she cuts his hair off while he sleeps. 'And the Philistines seized him and gouged out his eyes and brought him down to Gaza and bound him with bronze shackles. And he ground at the mill in the prison. But the hair of his head began to grow again after it had been shaved.'

'Now the lords of the Philistines gathered to offer a great sacrifice to Dagon their god and to rejoice, and they said, “Our god has given Samson our enemy into our hand.” And when the people saw him, they praised their god. For they said, “Our god has given our enemy into our hand, the ravager of our country, who has killed many of us.”

'And when their hearts were merry, they said, “Call Samson, that he may entertain us.” So they called Samson out of the prison, and he entertained them. They made him stand between the pillars. And Samson said to the young man who held him by the hand, “Let me feel the pillars on which the house rests, that I may lean against them.” Now the house was full of men and women. All the lords of the Philistines were there, and on the roof there were about 3,000 men and women, who looked on while Samson entertained.'

'And Samson grasped the two middle pillars on which the house rested, and he leaned his weight against them, his right hand on the one and his left hand on the other. And Samson said, “Let me die with the Philistines.” Then he bowed with all his strength, and the house fell upon the lords and upon all the people who were in it. So the dead whom he killed at his death were more than those whom he had killed during his life.'