Egyptian Wizards

Having watched some of 'The Mummy' last night, I thought I'd share a story about an Egyptian wizard. (I am only about a third of the way through my mythology anthology, but I doubt that anything is going to beat 'The Great Quarrel' story I shared earlier.) I have condensed it:

One day, a Nubian man walked into the Pharaoh's court and asked if anyone could read the contents of a sealed letter without opening it. If not, then Nubia would know that Egypt is weak.

The Pharaoh and his court were thrown into confusion; who could read a sealed letter? Pharaoh went home stressed. His son, Se-Osiris, asked what was the matter. Pharaoh explained the problem; Se-Osiris said that he could totes read a sealed letter.

The next day, Se-Osiris was presented before the Nubian man, and he read the sealed letter:
"The letter tells of a magical conflict between Egypt and Nubia. The king of Nubia asked Nubian Wizard to send magical creatures to Egypt to beat the shit out of the Pharaoh. Nubian Wizard made creatures out of wax and sent them off; they flew to Egypt and beat the shit out of the Pharaoh. The next day, the aching Pharaoh asked Egyptian Wizard to cast a protective spell on him.

(Both the Nubian and Egyptian wizards are called Horus, which is unnecessarily confusing.)

Nubian Wizard sent his creatures to Egypt again, but they returned home unsuccessful because they couldn't get past Egyptian Wizard's magical barrier. Pharaoh suggested that Egypt retaliates; Egyptian Wizard made creatures out of wax and sent them off to beat the shit out of the king of Nubia.

The king of Nubia was angry about this. He sent Nubian Wizard to Egypt on an all-out magical offensive. Nubian Wizard burst into the Egyptian court and started shooting fire everywhere.

Egyptian Wizard made it rain to put the fire out. Nubian Wizard summoned a mist so no one could see. Egyptian Wizard used wind to blow the mist away. Nubian Wizard summoned giant rocks in the air to fall and crush the Egyptians. Egyptian Wizard summoned a sky-boat (spaceship, definitely a spaceship) to destroy the falling rocks.

Nubian Wizard realised he was out of his depth; he turned himself invisible to flee. But Egyptian Wizard countered the invisibility spell and transformed him into a goose. Then he summoned a hunter who put a knife to the goose's throat.

Meanwhile, Nubian Wizard's mother's Dying-Offspring-Sense started tingling. She transformed herself into a goose and flew to Egypt to save her son.

Egyptian Wizard summoned another hunter who caught her and put a knife to her throat. She begged for her and her son's lives. Egyptian Wizard granted mercy, on condition that they promise never to return to Egypt. He summoned a sky-boat (spaceship, definitely a spaceship) for them and sent them on their way.

Is that not what the letter says?"

Nubian man: "Yes... umm... shit."

Se-Osiris: "And are you not Nubian Wizard? You have broken your promise and returned to Egypt, because you learnt that Egyptian Wizard had died?"

Nubian Wizard: "Yes... umm... how'd you know that?"

Se-Osiris: "BEHOLD, I AM EGYPTIAN WIZARD! News of your plan reached me in the netherworld, and I begged Osiris to let me return to the world of the living to protect Egypt, for there is none but me who could defeat you. Now: DIE!"

Se-Osiris/Egyptian Wizard incinerated Nubian Wizard. Egypt safe, Se-Osiris vanished. And the Pharaoh was sad that the boy he had raised as his son had gone without saying goodbye.

(Reading this, I was reminded of the wizard battle in the book of Exodus, with Moses & Aaron on one side taking turns using the magic staff Moses received from Yahweh. At first, the Egyptian wizards are unimpressed because they are capable of the same magic. It's only when Aaron uses the staff to make dust rise up and transform into flies do they realise that they might be out of their depth.
In the Bible's expanded universe, the Egyptian wizards are called Jannes and Jambres. They accompany the Pharaoh to the Red Sea after he changes his mind about letting the Israelites go. When the water crashes down on the Egyptians, J&J fly up to Heaven to battle the angels and try to save their people. Archangel Michael defeats them and throws them back to Earth, shattering their bodies. In other versions of the story, it is Archangel Metatron who defeats the wizards.)