Qur'an: Angry Warlord Verses

I'm now back on the Qur'an, a book so underwhelming that, Muhammad assures me, it is definitely not the product of human imagination and creativity:

'It is not possible that this Qur'an is forged by other than God.'

I've now reached the Angry Warlord Verses, which are a bit nasty, and could be summed up as:

Going to War = Going to Heaven
Conscientious Objection = Eternal Damnation

Here are some of the nasty bits:

'Fight them and God will punish them at your hands. Fight the polytheists, all of them, as they fight you all, and know that God stands with the pious. Once the sacred months are shorn, kill the polytheists wherever you find them, arrest them, imprison them, besiege them, and lie in wait for them at every site of ambush. Fight the unbelievers near you, and let them find you harsh, and know that God stands with the pious.

Fight those who do not believe in God or the Last Day, who do not hold illicit what God and His Messenger hold illicit, and who do not follow the religion of truth from among those given the Book, until them offer up tribute, by hand, in humble mien. Fight them so that there will be no discord and the whole of religion belongs to God.

If you do not march forth, He will punish you most painfully. March forth, then, whether light or heavy in armour. Labour hard in the cause of God, with your property and persons; this is best for you, if only you knew. When you meet the unbelievers in combat, turn not your backs to them. Whoso turns his back upon that day, except to retreat and re-attack, or to join another troop, suffers the burden of God's anger and his refuge is hell - a wretched fate indeed.

You are never to pray over any of them who dies, nor stand over his grave, for they disbelieved in God and His Messenger, and died as sinners. They are indeed a pollution; their final place of rest is Hell, in recompense for what they earned. You did not slay them; it was God who slew them.
It is not right for the Prophet and the believers to ask forgiveness for polytheists, even if they are relatives, once it has become clear to them that they are denizens of hell. They swear to you to forgive them but even if you do, God will not forgive the corrupt. A painful punishment awaits them. Whether you ask forgiveness for them or whether you do not, were you to ask forgiveness for them seventy times, God would not forgive them.

God has purchased from the believers their souls and their wealth and, in exchange, Paradise shall be theirs. They fight in the cause of God, they kill and are killed - a true promise from Him in the Torah, the Evangel and the Qur'an. He gives life and He deals death; apart from God, you have neither friend nor champion.

The unbelievers shall be herded into Hell, in order that God may be distinguish the depraved from the pure. He shall heap the depraved one upon the other, piling them all up, and deliver that pile to Hell. These are truly the losers.

The worst of creatures in God's sight are the unbelievers for they have no faith. When you meet them in battle, scatter them utterly as a lesson to those coming after them - perhaps they will reflect. Prepare against them whatever force and war cavalry you can gather to frighten the enemy of God. Whatever you expend in the cause of God will be returned to you in full.'

Etc. It's easy to focus on these verses because the rest of the Qur'an is just so fucking dull. To reach these I've passed through over 375 pages of 'Stock up on good deeds because the world is gonna end any day now. Don't convert people to Islam: if they're are being nice, leave them to whatever they believe, God'll judge 'em on the Last Day'.

In Muhammad's view, going to war is a defensive act. If the polytheists or 'unbelievers' are threatening peace, slaughter them. If they're being nice, leave them to it. After he became ruler of Medina, the Muslim super-tribe started raiding other tribes to get food. (Raiding and trading were the two main ways of acquiring food in 7th century Arabia.) The Muslims were seen as traitors to their tribes because they had abandoned blood-ties for an ideology. Many of the Arab tribes decided to declare war against Medina and exterminate the Muslims.

It is worth remembering that the Arabic word usually translated into 'unbeliever' has no English equivalent; it roughly means 'those who are ungrateful to something (e.g. life) given with great kindness', not 'those who do not accept that our doctrines are true'.

Even amongst the Angry Warlord Verses, there are calmer, Let's All Be Friends Verses:

'Should they be inclined to peace, incline to it also, and put your trust in God.
So long as they deal fairly with you, you are to deal fairly with them. God loves the pious.
Tell the unbelievers: if they desist, past sins will be forgiven them. If they desist, God sees best what they do.
God is All-Forgiving, All-Pardoning, Compassionate to each.'

(Muhammad frequently describes God as 'All-Forgiving' or 'All-Pardoning', and then goes to on say that God will not forgive X, Y, or Z. I find this contradiction the most infuriating, but we should not expect consistency from an illiterate lunatic.)